


Clinging

by toue



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, IPRE Crew - Freeform, Spoilers, Team as Family, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 00:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12287505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toue/pseuds/toue
Summary: On their voyage, Lucretia learned that this was commonplace, particularly when Taako was anxious or scared. He’d reach for Lup, and he’d cling, whether it was to her hand or her arm or to whatever she was wearing. And Lup didn’t mention it, so neither did the others. They understood that it wasn’t their business.Lucretia observes the way Taako clings to others, from their years on the Starblaster to after the Day of Story and Song.





	Clinging

**Author's Note:**

> i'm just going to throw a warning right here for a brief mention of minor dermatillomania.  
> i WOULD consider this to be autistic taako, but only really because this is a "project onto taako" fic and i'm autistic myself.  
> anyway! more notes at the end!

In her years as a writer, Lucretia learned to closely observe people’s mannerisms. Being lost in space didn’t necessarily make those instincts vanish.

Barry, for example, would almost always stay up late working in the Starblaster’s common area. Lucretia at first attributed this to an undying work ethic; she later realized that Barry simply didn’t like being alone in the dark. She began to sit with him when she was able, and later taught him a light spell that used little energy and could be maintained in one’s sleep.

When Merle began having memory issues around their thirtieth cycle, Lucretia knew before anybody else did. She’d catch him wandering aimlessly around the Starblaster when he’d mentioned earlier that he wanted to be elsewhere. When asked about it he was just as confused as she was. The crew figured it wasn’t a medical thing, considering their annual resets; more likely than not it had to do with how he was processing the trauma of their voyage. They started to leave notes for him to remind him of his duties, and Lucretia made him a special tea that her mother would fix for her grandfather back home.

And then there was Taako. Taako would cling.

Quite literally, he would _cling_. Lucretia noticed this immediately when she first met him. Taako stood tall and appeared irreverent, yet he clutched the sleeve of his sister’s robe so tightly that Lucretia feared it would wrinkle. He seemed almost unaware of this, and Lup didn’t appear bothered, either.

On their voyage, Lucretia learned that this was commonplace, particularly when Taako was anxious or scared. He’d reach for Lup, and he’d _cling_ , whether it was to her hand or her arm or to whatever she was wearing. And Lup didn’t mention it, so neither did the others. They understood that it wasn’t their business.

But the first time that Lup died, it became their business.

Lup had been taken down by an unfriendly local. An anticlimactic death, and one that several of the others had experienced themselves in years prior.

But they had 5 months left of the year, and Taako was a mess. The crew took turns bringing him meals for a week before they forcefully extracted him from his room.

And Taako got back to work then, but he wasn’t the same. He was jittery and distracted in a way that was atypical for the customarily sharp wizard. He fidgeted constantly and picked his cuticles until they bled.

Yes, Taako still played his role in attempting to find the Light of Creation, but it almost stung more to see him working so hard when he was obviously hurting. Sometimes she would catch him with his hands hanging uselessly at his chest, as though uncertain what to do with them. It was painful to watch, and she knew the rest of the crew was feeling the same sadness on Taako’s behalf.

In their tenth month on the plane, a mission taken on foot to get intel on the light went sour. The team consisted of herself, Taako, Barry and Magnus.

Their presence attracted a nasty-looking predator, one unfamiliar to any plane they’d been to before. They managed to escape, but not unscathed; Lucretia broke her arm after tripping on the root of a tree while fleeing, and Barry had an ugly, open wound on his shoulder where the animal had raked him with its claw. Magnus and Taako were scuffed-up, too, though not as severely. They all limped back to the ship as a unit, Barry tying his wound as best as he could as they moved.

In front of Lucretia, Taako was visibly shaking. His fear was reasonable, of course, considering what they’d just experienced— Lucretia only wished that Lup were here to comfort him.

Taako’s distress didn’t go unnoticed by Magnus or Barry, of course. Magnus met Lucretia’s eyes, uncertain how to help their friend, but Lucretia could only shrug, wincing as her arm was jostled.

Magnus inhaled, seeming to steel himself.

And then he offered Taako his arm, in the same way a gentleman might to his date.

There was a beat of silence as Taako stared, and Magnus’ anxieties felt almost audible in the stillness.

And then Taako reached out and _clung_ to Magnus arm.

And they continued on, just like that.

From then on, the situation with Taako was added to the unending list of unspoken rules on the Starblaster. Among the ranks of, “If you’re the first up, make coffee for everybody else, too,” or, “If anybody falls asleep working, bring them a blanket from the linen closet,” was, “Offer Taako a hand or an arm when he’s scared— especially if Lup isn’t around.”

It wasn’t until the last decade of their journey that Lucretia felt emboldened enough to ask Taako about it. By then, it was instinct for most of the crew to look out for him, as well as to not mention it.

Lucretia dared to bring it up over hot chocolate one night, when they were the only two up. They’d both had nightmares; neither had said so aloud, but they both knew. Another unspoken rule.

“Taako, I have a question,” Lucretia said.

“Lemme hear it,” Taako said, gesturing in a ‘bring it on’ motion while drinking with the other hand.

“You’ve always liked to physically hold on to people,” Lucretia spoke, unsure of how else to phrase it. “Why is that?”

Taako’s lips pursed in thought as he processed the question.

“You know, I’m not sure myself, actually,” Taako said, sounding sobered but not upset. “I’ve done it as long as I can remember. Grabbing Lup’s hood while walking behind her in the marketplace, holding her hand or arm otherwise… it’s just something that I’ve always done by instinct.”

“Is that so?” Lucretia said. She was relieved he wasn’t upset at her for asking, at least.

“Yeah. Just a Taako thing, I guess,” Taako said. He paused, before speaking again, a bit more hesitantly. “When I was young, it kinda felt like if I didn’t hold on, I’d be left behind. Or lost, somehow? Even if we were standing still. It was a stupid thing, but Lup never gave me shit about it.”

Lucretia nodded and returned to her hot chocolate. 

 

Lucretia supposed she should have expected it. Not for the first time, she cursed her failure to anticipate the full breadth of what she’d be taking from her friends.

The Taako in front of Lucretia, returned to her after so long, was just as skittish and disoriented as he had been the first time Lup had died.

But— and this is what pained Lucretia the most— this Taako didn’t even _know_ any better.

As Lucretia ‘introduced’ herself to the boys, Taako stood half-hidden behind Magnus, shifting from one foot to another as his eyes darted around the room.

She hadn’t realized. She’d thought, foolishly, that subtracting Lup from the equation entirely would prevent this.

The gravity of how much she’d stolen from her friends weighed that much heavier on her shoulders.

She forced a smile.

 

Sometime after they’d reclaimed the Gaia Sash, Lucretia made it a point to catch Magnus alone.

“Magnus,” she said. “I have a favor, of sorts, that I’d like to ask of you.”

Magnus grinned, wide and toothy, and, well— at least that hadn’t changed.

“Whaddya need?” he asked.

Lucretia hesitated briefly before continuing.

“It’s about Taako,” she said. “There’s no good way to say this, but he’s seemed… _anxious_.”

Magnus frowned, looking troubled.

“Yeah, that’s…” he trailed off. “That’s kind of just. Taako.”

Lucretia felt her chest throb with a familiar grief. _No, it isn’t. It didn’t have to be._

“I had… a friend, like him,” Lucretia said. “He was the same way, but would calm when he had an arm or a hand to hold. I know it doesn’t seem like something Taako would want, but… you might try offering it.”

Magnus looked skeptical, but eventually nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Can’t hurt, I guess.”

 

From then on, Lucretia would frequently see Taako holding Magnus’ arm around the bureau, looking a bit more at peace. She could almost pretend it was like old times again.

 

Magnus wasn’t with them when they came back from Wonderland. Taako had a hand on Merle’s shoulder instead.

 

When Lup returned in her lich form, Lucretia saw how Taako ached to hold her— but he was smiling truthfully again, which was a relief.

And Taako’s anger with Lucretia— well, she would never fault him for that.

 

When Lup got a body of her own again, they had a celebration. Lucretia was admittedly surprised by her invite, which was delivered in person by Taako.

Taako huffed out a sigh when she questioned it.

“Fine, okay. I’ll say it,” Taako said. “Luc? You’re still my family. I’ll probably never completely get over what happened, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

Lucretia’s vision went foggy with tears. Taako moved over to her, rolling his eyes and feigning annoyance before offering a hug.

And Lucretia— Lucretia _clung_.

 

It was terribly nostalgic, watching Taako hold Lup’s arm as they socialized at the party.

But things weren’t all the same as they had been during their century together. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

At one point Taako left Lup’s side to get himself another drink, and ended up returning to his sister with Angus McDonald on his back. If you’d told the Lucretia from their Starblaster years that she’d one day witness Taako _willingly_ giving a piggy-back ride to a small child, she would have laughed in your face.

Later in the night, Taako’s reaper boyfriend made an appearance. Taako sidled up to him when he stepped through his rift, giving him a loving peck on the lips and taking his hand easily.

Lucretia liked Kravitz very much. He was a perfect gentleman and she felt confident that he treated Taako well. But even if she wasn’t already fond of Kravitz, seeing the way that Taako looked at him now (with such love in his eyes!) would have swayed her in his favor.

Lucretia was proud of Taako, overwhelmingly so.

The party bled on well past midnight, and Lucretia found herself relaxing in a corner of the room, nursing a drink while watching the proceedings unfold.

It was the first time in ages she’d felt comfortable simply stepping back and observing.

She reveled in the fact that this peace was theirs now.

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually the first taz fic i've posted, which is cool! it's not the first i've written, though. i have tons saved on my computer but i never have the courage to put them up.  
> i wanted to post this one, though, to dedicate to my older brother, who actually listens when i infodump to him about the adventure zone and has always let me cling to him over the years. thanks, jacob. you're the real mvp.
> 
> i happily accept all forms of positive reinforcement for my writing, whether they're in the form of kudos, comments, or bouquets delivered to my doorstep.


End file.
